Tuesday, October 11, 2011

why do you cry?

I miss her. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.
Life must move forward.
I have to push through the bad days.
Some days, every inch of my body wants to let the sadness seep through my pores.
Some days I don’t allow myself to think about details.
Some days it doesn’t matter what I do, the cruel reality consistently slaps me in the face.
I have to push through the bad days.
Even though she is gone, my life is moving forward.
A future.
My future.
An only child…
No sister to run to when I get engaged,
Married,
Kids.
Funny … those aren’t the things (yet) that hurl me into my blackouts.
It’s driving home without her on a sunny day, walking around the mall, lazy Sunday afternoons, inside jokes, rude banter, spicy potatoes, friday nights and saturday mornings, and not having someone there who understands me.
Triggers.
Bad days.
I miss my best friend.
Bad days.
She never escapes my mind.
Bad days.
I have to push through the bad days...
Head up.
Left.
Right.
In.
Out.
Forward.


One day at a time.
R.I.P. Little sister. I miss you and love you so very, very much.


2 comments:

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She said...

I love you. and her. I may not "understand" all the time, but we'll push through these days - and our lives will move forward.
I promise.

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