P.S. I love you

I feel like blogging, and the only thing I can think of to blog about is a somewhat recent encounter with a certain someone - for the sake of this post - we will call: #hotboss

Now, since day one at my job #hotboss stole my attention. I would get nervous when he would come over and talk to my actual boss and me, shying away from being too boisterous, too docile, too anything that would turn him away. I was always painfully aware of his presence when he would confidently walk over to “my side” of the building.

Then he switched departments and left the small office I so frequently visited, my sole purpose most times to get an opportunity for a brief conversation with him. I tried my best to “play it cool”, flashing my sweet smile, aligning myself so his eyes would capture my body at it's best angle. Just when I thought him and I had established (what I would call) a decent “acquaintance” - They moved him to the 3^rd floor.

Just my luck.

By this time, my boss had quit her position and I was the new full-timer they replaced her with. This worked to my advantage because I had lots of questions, so it provided me the opportunity to run happily upstairs and allow #hotboss to show off his abundant knowledge answering my silly questions. Of course, he flatters me in an email with a response like “Are you kidding – you’ve learned extremely quickly!” – Instantly making me feel better, less ridiculous.

Anyways, I will try to get to the point. We went to a few movies – JUST as friends – nothing more. We met at the theater (except once), bought our own tickets (except once), and when the movie would end we would rapidly discuss our thoughts and views as we walked out into the warm streets of downtown, me lagging, trying to keep this beautiful man in my presence for as long as the universe would let me.

So a few weeks ago, the best weekend of my life, I referred to it as in a previous post… I texted him after work on Friday and asked if he was up for a movie. He replied and said he had tickets to the U of M game, and asked if I was interested…

It was like the angels wrote a song just for me.

Of course I told him yes, and the plan was he was going to pick me up at 8am to make time for the drive(yesssss – I was going to get a 2 hour car ride with him, there and back!) we would go, grab lunch, watch the game, then head back.

Little did I know ….

That night (Friday) I get a phone call from him at 1am. Earlier, when discussing plans for Saturday, he told me he was going to try and get a hold of some friends and see if anyone was tailgating. Therefore, I thought he was calling to tell me we were leaving earlier than planned because of this…

Well, my “#soulmate” – as a joke, I had started referring to him as my #soulmate when talking to my mom – was hammered. I could tell, by the sound of his voice that he was in *rare form* (as he put it the next day). Anyways, we randomly talked for 10 minutes or so before he started letting the word vomit spew: “Come takkke carrre of me” “Come overrrrr” “You need to come over, we can watch a movie!... I need someone to take carrrre of mmme” "I need youuu to takee carre offmee “Come here - so I donnn’t have to come there in the morning.  We can just leaveee frmm herrre”

I knew he was drunk. I knew he was making excuses, and he just wanted me over there. Maybe deep down I knew it was anyone that he wanted over, not me specifically. But for one night – I allowed myself to feel like the angels had opened the gates and were showing me the beginnings to a cobblestone road that I would ride on the rest of my life.

Dramatic, but that’s honestly how I felt.

I walk into his house and immediately he welcomes me with that warm melty smile and wraps me in a solid, air tight hug.

that g*ddamn smile.

He had his bed set up on the couch (we had discussed that if I came over, I got the bed, while he got the couch). And as a true test of willpower (for me) he was in his “jammies” which included – pajama bottoms, no shirt, and fuzzy hair.

What was I going to do with this boy…

Nothing… he fell asleep on the couch. BUT - not before he professed how he thought I had an amazing body, that he was indeed attracted to me and how he thought my "smile brightens a room". Was it game? Honestly, for as darling as he is... I dont think he has much game. But either way, I devoured it. My breath hung on every word as my dreams came to life in a matter of moments. After he fell asleep, I silently slipped out of his arms and crawled into my #soulmates bed carrying a smile…. It was as if I had just lived out a welcomed recurring dream.
6am. Time for me to get up, shower, and get ready for the big game.

Nope. I woke him up – as gently as possible – and he told me to lay back down, as he guided me into his room. We laid down and my #hotboss and #soulmate turned into #snugglebutt. We snuggled for well over an hour before actually falling asleep.

And let me tell you… I am much too chickensh*t to start any of this myself, ok? This was all him. After our“nap” … still half asleep.. we snuggle juuust a bit more…then (this part is sort of a blur to me, I was so elated I think I was literally “high on life”) – He leans over and kisses me.

Me…

My world stopped.

I was rendered defenseless.

Not a nasty, raunchy make out session. But a romantic, sweet, morning wake-up entanglement that you see in the movies.

I'm not kidding.

He was obviously hung over, so he opted out of the 2 hour drive and loud football game, for a quiet, nap-filled-pizza-eating- day watching the game at my house. As sweet as it was that he spent the day with me, he was very stand offish. I knew he felt sick, and honestly – probably a little embarrassed. Needless to say, before he left, he apologized for “what happened” and if I “misconstrued his actions”. We “work together, and I would never date someone I work with”.

It’s ok. You only created, and crushed my *entire world* in less than 24 hours.

I forgive you.