Sunday, January 26, 2014

Hello Goodbye

My, how time flies!

It's amazing we are already hitting the home stretch of January, 2014.

I had taken up a few New Years Resolutions for myself:

First, was to quit drinking diet coke.

Second, was to quit smoking.

I can proudly say that I've done a great job at quitting both.

I'm proud of myself for these accomplishments. They aren't huge, but they make a huge difference.

Next, I'd like to cut out most processed foods, and focus on what I'm putting in my body. Navigate towards a lean, more raw lifestyle.

Baby steps :)

Also, I'm seriously considering a part time job.

I know - what am I thinking!... Honestly, I'm not sure.

I remember when I worked two jobs and was going to school a few years back. That specific year was a very chaotic, stressful time in my life. A lot of my stress was within my personal life, which allowed me to fill my time with "stuff" to do (ie. make money and finish school). I went to school and worked long days to keep me busy... and when I look back at it - oddly enough -I was happy.

I'm a firm believer in the more you do, and the more you accomplish - the better you feel about yourself. It felt good to know I could bust my ass, make things happen, and make myself happy.

So, here I am.

The good news is that I don't need a second job, so if it get's to be too much. I can simply put in my two weeks, and retire ;-)

 Here's to a new year, new goals, and new accomplishments!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Mile High City

The second week in January, I had to go to Denver, Colorado for work.

I had never been to Denver before, and the babes was able to come with me.

Let me just say, I loved it.

While most of my time was encompassed with work, fortunately I was able to go out a little bit.

Sweetie has a friend who lives in the city, so we met up with her one night and she showed us around. We walked from dive bar to dive bar, and I took a shot with a scorpion in it!!! Ayy!!

While I was at work, babes spent the day doing cool things I wish I could have shared in. We were able to go out to eat a few nights, and we had some good laughs and a pillow fight that just about tore up the hotel room LOL. I was happy to spend this trip with someone.

Oh,... did I mention recreational marijuana is legal there?!

Definitely a place I'd like to visit again. Preferably next time - no business, all pleasure!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Carmina Burana

Last night a handful of us went to see Carmina Burana at the Performing Arts Center.

It was something different to do, and I'm glad we went. 

Babes said...

"I guess we can scratch seeing O Fortuna live off the list!"


January Birchbox

January Birchbox

Sunday, January 5, 2014

honest delusions...

The room is dark, quiet and comfortable.

Only the moonlight peeks in from behind the blinds.
Momentarily, I watch the fan whirl silently overhead.

Your arm playfully jolts, a tell tale sign you are drifting deeper into a peaceful slumber.

Your skin smells good and is warm against the length of my body. Your knees bend with mine to keep me close. Your arm draped snug over my torso holds me in place, and the only thing I hear is you breathing. I feel each exhale... cool and light on my shoulder. Each breath smells deliciously sweet, and leaves me longing for the next taste of you.

You hold me like you need me... like tonight is a promise to never let go.

I feel safe.

I continue to listen and drink in each breath. I slink around to grab your hand and hold it firmly in mine. I bring it to my lips and softly plant a kiss to each knuckle. I squeeze your hand before I set it down atop the sheets, and somehow, fast asleep, you squeeze back... like you're answering a question I've asked in dreams.

I wonder if you dream of me...

I rustle, and you rouse. You reconfigure your arm, pull me closer, and hold me a little bit tighter... and just before you drift back to your beautiful dreamland, with your eyes still closed... you offer my shoulder a kiss.

Your vulnerability, and sweet humble honesty in these moments swindle my insides.

This is my favorite time with you.

Friday, January 3, 2014


It writes me love letters
and hangs heavy
like the air on a muggy afternoon in the heart of summer.
It's thickness makes it hard to breathe.
The sky briefly clouds reality from my devoted eyes.

It makes my skin feel sparse
I begin to sweat out the things I cannot say...

you are still beautiful
you still haunt my hours
you dilute my interpretation of happiness

It scares me

Hot flashes now.

I fade in and out of a vintage dream.
The memoir I wrote
digs itself out of the grave I so carefully buried it in.

I allow myself to dream nostalgia
I smile a fleeting, self-indulgent smile
and scream
before I plunge into the sacred pool of clarity

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

pole dancer

Andrea Gibson
Pole Dancer

She pole-dances to gospel hymns.
Came out to her family in the middle of Thanksgiving Grace.
I knew she was trouble
two years before our first date.
But my heart was a Labrador Retriever
with its head hung out the window of a car
tongue flopping in the wind
on a highway going 95
whenever she walked by.

So I
mastered the art of crochet
and I crocheted her a winter scarf
and one night at the bar I gave it to her with a note
that said something like,
I hope this keeps your neck warm.
If it doesn't give me a call.

The key to finding love
is fucking up the pattern on purpose
is skipping a stitch,
is leaving a tiny, tiny hole where the cold is
and hoping she fills it with your lips.

This morning I was counting her freckles.
She has five on the left side of her face, seven on the other
and I love her
for every speck of trouble she is.
She's fuckin' awesome.
Like popcorn at a drive-in movie
that neither of us has any intention of watching.
Like Batman and Robin
in a pick-up truck in the front row with the windows steamed up.
Like Pacman in the eighties,
she swallows my ghosts.

Slaps me on my dark side and says,
"Baby, this is the best day ever.
Stop listening for the sound of the ocean
in the shells of bullets your hope missed
Cuz we got white flags from the tips of our toes
to our tear ducts
and we can wear her halos as handcuffs
'cause I don't wanna be a witness to this life,
I want to be charged and convicted."
and I listen to her song 
 lifted to my ear like a bouquet of yes
because my heart is a parachute that has never opened in time
and I wanna fuck up that pattern,
leave a hole where the cold comes in and fill it every day with her sun,
'cause anyone who has ever sat in lotus for more than a few seconds
knows it takes a hell of a lot more muscle to stay than to go.

And I want to grow
strong as the last patch of sage on a hillside
stretching towards the lightning.
God has always been an arsonist.
Heaven has always been on fire.
She is a butterfly knife bursting from the cocoon in my belly.
Love is a half moon hanging above Baghdad
promising to one day grow full,
to pull the tides to our desert wounds
and fill every clip of empty shells with the ocean
Already there is salt on my lips.

Lover, this is not just another poem.
This is my goddamn revolution
I am done holding my tongue like a bible.
There is too much war in every verse of our silence.
We have all dug too many trenches away from ourselves.

This time I want to melt like a snowman in Georgia,
'til my smile is a pile of rocks you can pick up
and skip across the lake of your doubts.

Trust me,
I have been practicing my ripple.
I have been breaking into mannequin factories
and pouring my pink heart into their white paint.
I have been painting the night sky upon the inside of doorframes
so only moonshine will fall on your head in the earthquake.
I have been collecting your whispers and your whiplash
and your half-hour voice mail messages.
Lover, did you see the sunset tonight?
Did you see Neruda lay down on the horizon like a spilled glass of wine?
Do you know it was his lover who painted him red?
who made him stare down the bullet holes
in his country's heart?

I am not looking for roses.
I want to break like a fever.
I want to break like the Berlin Wall.
I want to break like the clouds
so we can see every fearless star,
how they never speak guardrail,
how they only say... fall.