Maybe Someday

Why do we always want what we can’t have? Why do we always want what we don’t have?

I’m definitely guilty of being both a wanter (no, definitely not a real word) of things I don’t have and things I can’t have. It’s sad too, because I know that about myself yet I do nothing to change it. Maybe I need therapy to “understand” it. Lol

Here’s the deal. I think it’s natural to want new things. Clearly that is how we evolve and experience stuff, and become knowledgeable to move forward.

But when does that CRAVING to have new things turn from “healthy” to “issues”.

I think mine has evolved to "issues".

                I can honestly admit, I have…

1. Bought something I really didn’t like (I wanted it just to have it.)

2. Debated whether to purchase or not. Everything in me said I didn’t need it or I couldn’t afford it, yet I bought it anyways.

3. Made lists of things I want so I don’t forget to buy them.

4. Gone into the store for something specific, and come out with everything but.

5. The next time I swear I will get that specific item, yet again. . . I come out with everything but that item -Repeat x3.

6. Spent big money on items I never use.

7. Spent big money on items I only liked for a month.

8. Bought far too many items I don’t wear.

9. Bought an item even though I knew I would never use it or wear it.

This cannot be normal! How sad.

I probably could admit more guilty pleasures but the bottom line is…. I need to understand I can’t have everything I want.

My brain just can’t seem to comprehend that though.

Maybe someday.

So much to buy...

Ok so I was just wondering how many of you have a list of things you want to get yourselves?

I know I can’t be alone in this. I seriously started a list so I wouldn’t forget the things I thought would be beneficial to have (for example: Clothing Steamer) but honestly now, when I look at it, it seems like my list keeps getting longer and I can’t cross anything off of it! I have this ridiculous habit of spending money where and when I don’t really need to. I know that’s a problem for a lot of us, but seriously that’s why I made the list! To follow it! I guess I need to make a point each payday (Woot! Woot!) to buy an item or two off my list, and only spend where I need to other than that. Seems like it will take forever. I am a firm believer in working hard, to be able to spoil yourself once in a while.

So, how do you decide when/what to spoil yourself with? WITHOUT using your “spoil me” money on a drugstore splurge and a bunch of stuff that definitely, was not on your list. . .

Um.... Ophiuchus?

Um......

That's pretty much all my brain had going on when I heard about this topic.
 
For those of you who haven't heard. . . There is now a 13th zodiac sign! lmao. It is called Ophiucus, and runs somewhere from Nov. 29 to Dec. 17th. Yes, that means YOU may not be the sign you thought you were. Or does it?

I have always been a Pisces. Hands down, that is what I AM. I mean, I am not one of those "live by the sign" type people because I use it mainly for fun but there are distinct similarities between my sign and I, not to mention people I know and their signs. With the new "dates" the cut off date for Aquarius is March 11th, my birthday. DUN. DUN. DUNNN.

So what about the people with tattoos? The people who "swear" by this stuff?

Here are the new dates including the 13th zodiac.... what are you?

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 - May 13
Taurus: May 13 - June 21
Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 - Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 - Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 - Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 - Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 - Jan. 20


How are they just going to add a new sign?

Something to do with the axis of the earth, how it has changed and that somehow shifted the signs.

Basically, slowly the earth moves and changes our beloved astrology signs :(

If you are like me, and really don't want to believe this (Just like Facebook is shutting down in March 2011, right? lol) I looked into it a bit further, come to find out there is more than meets the eye. . .

I guess there are 2 different types of astrology, Eastern and Western. Wesern astrology, or the tropical zodiac is based off of the seasons whereas Eastern astrology or the sidereal zodiac is based of constellations.

Only Eastern astrology has added this 13th zodiac.

From what I gather, Western astrology is what most of us use. . .So does this new addition affect your sign?

I guess that's up to you.

Bringing Sexy Back

From the beginning. . .

 I've been an AVID tanner since I was 16. I worked at a few tanning salons which made it easy (and trust me, I know this is horrible) to tan once, sometimes twice a day with the best lotions and beds out there. Skipping a day was unheard of.

I continued to tan even when my sister got sick (Lupus sometimes is affected by the sun and Timberlys was BIGTIME, she always had to wear sunblock and wasn’t out in direct sunlight for more than short periods of time). It had become a habit, an addiction really.

When my sister passed away my mother asked one thing of me. That’s it. One thing…. Can you guess what it was?

She wanted me to stop tanning.

Stop. Like, cold turkey quit.

Honestly, I don’t know what it was… Maybe just losing my baby sister, the depression that I was already dealing with, the heartache I felt for my parents… I don’t know, but I told her I would.

Here we are one year and 8 months later and I have not been in a tanning booth NOR have I laid outside (ok, I’m a liar… I read a book with one of my friends while sun bathing over the summer… but I had SUNBLOCK on… not my normal tanning oil). And I gotta say,… I’m bringing pale BACK, bitches!  There are so many things I actually LOVE about my skin tone (some things I don’t too, of course) and I am starting to see how beautiful fair skin can be! It’s all about how you ROCK it!

Just to name a few things I love about my fair skin:

1.       I won’t look 50 when I turn 30

2.       I save a shit ton of money every month J

3.       I save 20 minutes a day of my time

4.       I have de-creased my chances of getting skin cancer

Honestly . . . I hope fair skin makes a comeback, you know, like when super pale fat women used to be the “ideal”? Ok… maybe not the fat part but only because it’s not healthy.

Let’s face it ya’ll…. Pale is SEXY!

CHARLIE

I must admit, I do my fair share of blog scouring. I am always up for a good laugh, beautiful pictures, or fresh ideas. Today was different... I think I stumbled upon something wonderful!

His name is Charlie.

The Pioneer Womans Website is loaded with stuff, cooking, gardening, blah, blah.... The best part is this sweet little baby, and a BLOG completely devoted to him. She takes AMAZING photos and seems to capture priceless moments. I absolutely fell in love with Charlie and her way of  presenting us with his personality.

I hope you can all check out this adorable blog about a pioneer woman who lives on a ranch with her children, her husband (AKA the Marlboro Man), and her pets. Charlie is 110% captivating. You won't be able to get enough!

Here is the link to her site, directly to her blogs about Charlie:
The Pioneer Woman - Charlie


Here is the link to her main webpage:
The Pioneer Woman

Bimbys Battle

So I know that I keep mentioning my sister. I can't believe I didn't think of this before! DUH! anyways... here is the link to her story. My dad wrote this for our Annual Memorial Walk last year, and it just stuck.

Bimbys Battle Link

Here I copied n pasted:




* I begged my dad to let me photoshop her face, but he wanted people to see the reality of living with Lupus, and honestly... this was probably one of her better days*

Bimby’s Battle
What can I say about my Life with Lupus? Well for one, it was shorter than I had expected. You see, I lost my life to this dreadful disease on May 20th, 2009. I was 20 years old, and this is my story.

I was diagnosed at age 15, when my face became covered with this bright red butterfly looking rash. The stares I got from some people made me feel like I was from outer space. My mom took me to see a dermatologist who suggested I might have lupus. I was thankful for both his diagnosis and his good sense to send me to a specialist who knew more about lupus. I was sent to The University of Michigan Hospital where I received high doses of steroids. The weight I gained from the steroids was something I really didn’t care for. But I figured, if this helps me from getting that embarrassing looking rash again, I‘ll do it.

By the time I had turned 17, I had developed pain in my hips and a funny limp that would soon become known as “The Bimby Walk”. Humor is the one thing that kept me going throughout my battle with lupus and it’s something my friends and family had plenty of. During my second visit to the Orthopedic Specialist, I found out that the high doses of steroids I received had destroyed both my hips and this doctor had no problem telling me that hip replacements were inevitable. This specialist also told my mom that lupus patients don’t usually have a long life expectancy. (Gasp!) “What? Did he just say I was going to die?” Well, that’s what I thought I heard. He is crazy, I thought to myself. OK...he ended up being right in my case but he was way off base with his outlook on lupus patients in general. And besides....even if that statement was accurate (which it isn’t)...Did he really have to say it out loud in front of 17 yr old patient? That’s when I decided two things....to become a doctor myself....and I also decided that if I wanted to prove this guy wrong, I was going to have to fight this thing called lupus.

Finishing high school was a battle in itself. I had missed numerous days of school my senior year. I enjoyed school but when you have two bad hips and you ache so bad you can’t get out of bed, what’s a girl to do? The thought of my aching body sitting through 6 hours of class on a hard chair just didn’t appeal to me. So after numerous visits to the vice principal’s office, mom and dad convinced them to let me be home schooled for the rest of the year. Yea…no more getting up early for me! That ended up not being the case and I still had to get up and do what was necessary so I could graduate but at least I got to do it in my pajamas and a sofa that cushioned some of the pain. The home teacher I had was very understanding and ended up becoming a dear friend to me. She helped me graduate on time with the rest of my class.

I started my pre-med classes at Western Michigan University, where I was living with my boyfriend Justen and my sister Taylor who was also going to school there. I was officially on my own….life was going to be good now. I now have control over my future… aside from the lupus dictating what, when, and where I could go… I was in control. I took my medications faithfully (OK almost faithfully) and I went to all my doctors visits. But some days my body still felt like someone took a sledgehammer to it while I was sleeping. I had a few good days in there as well, where I could actually “Bimby Walk” to get some shopping done or party with the girls. So basically, I was living a normal life for someone with lupus. Well as normal as it gets anyways. I was quite fortunate to have a wonderful boyfriend and family who was very supportive and understood my bad days or “flares” as we like to call them in the Lupus World.

An absolute MUST for a lupus patient is a solid support group. I really can’t tell you how important that is. Without it…it makes you feel like nobody understands the pain and difficulties that we so commonly deal with.

It wasn’t until my 3rd year in college that lupus and I really started throwing punches at each other. I threw what I thought was a pretty good uppercut by taking my meds and seeing my rheumatologist faithfully. And just when I thought lupus was going down on the canvas, it threw a couple of punches right on my kidneys. I felt its mighty power from these punches this time and was taken down for the standing 8 count. Lupus had invaded my kidneys and I was now going to need chemotherapy. So I did what every woman with lupus does…I put my Big Girl Panties on and I dealt with it. I decided to move back home for the summer to be able to deal with all my doctors’ appointments and treatments I had. Besides, there’s no better care than what your Momma can give you.

The Domino effect was now in progress, the chemo triggered pneumonia, the pneumonia gave me a blood infection called Asepsis and Asepsis gave me a week’s stay at the Mercy Hospital in Port Huron. I was transferred from Lapeer Hospital to Mercy via ambulance. I always wondered what it was like to ride in one of those things, “Can you turn on the lights and siren?” I would ask the driver…he obliged and said “anything for you princess”,so off I went. If you ever wondered what it was like to ride in an ambulance, imagine having severe back pain and riding your 10 speed bike over a washboard dirt road. Yeah, kind of a rough ride. If the EMS guys and the nurses at Lapeer Hospital weren’t so nice I would have thought I got a raw deal.

My week spent at the hospital involved having a tube down my throat most of the time. Apparently my lungs were now filled with fluid which caused me to not breathe on my own very well. I was really scared when they told me what they needed to do and I immediately started crying. My dad asked me what I was crying about and I asked “what if I die?” With the tears starting to well in my dad’s eyes, he looked at me and said “Timber, what do you think will happen to you if you do die?” Ok, it wasn’t the most reassuring thing a dad can say when I thought I was going to die but at that moment, I told him what I truly believed. I said “I go to Heaven “and he told me “then there is nothing to worry about is there?” At that point, I realized there was nothing to be scared of. They put me on a ventilator and everything went alright. I was released after a long week’s stay and gained what seemed like 30 lbs from all the fluid and steroids they pumped into me. Compared to the pain I was in before I went in, I was feeling GREAT. I could deal with a little weight gain.

After I was released I had a new outlook on life and was ready to get back in the ring to battle lupus once again. A couple days had passed and since I was feeling so good, I decided to make the most of it. I made sure to visit some friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and spent some quality time with my boyfriend and family members. I even told my sister that I wanted to have a “Celebration of Life Party”. Yep, I was feeling good about my new life and my new outlook.

My “Celebration of Life Party” came a week later on May 23rd, the day of my funeral. Lupus had delivered its final blow. A “Sucker Punch”. It was now official: Lupus does not fight fair.

Justen had taken me to Mercy Hospital that morning because I could not stop coughing. It was there that morning when I went to be with the Lord. It’s ironic that I was at Mercy Hospital when I passed because I feel the Lord really did show his mercy on me. Let’s face it: my future was not looking that stellar with hip replacements, more chemo, kidney replacement and only God knows what else.

If I had only one wish, I would wish that a cure be given for the 1.5 million others who live with lupus daily. Those are the real heroes in life.

I may have lost that battle with lupus but I won the war of life! And for me, I am ok with that. I was blessed with so many wonderful friends and family. As I look down and see them gathered at my Memorial Walk for Lupus, I now know my purpose.

T-PAIN - MOTIVATED **CONTEST**

Alright Ya'll.... YOU KNOW I GOTTA DO IT!

My cousin entered the T-pain - Motivated contest.

CHECK. IT. OUT.

All I'm gonna say bout it!

Here is the link:

Kapital E - T-PAIN - MOTIVATED CONTEST ENTRY

Embarrassing Moments

So I had to laugh the other day while thinking about this topic… and how ridiculous it really is. Take me for example; I am the definition of a klutz. If anyone were going to slip on a patch of ice (Yes. Alone AND in front of many), try to be extra cool and end up with black shit in her teeth, dried skin on her face, or hair a hot mess (…God only knows), OR get smacked in the head by a football during powder puff practice (yup, happened to me in high school) it would be ME. It’s so funny too, because I’m one of those people who gets really embarrassed about the stupid stuff that happens… fortunately I am also one of those people who completely deletes it from her brain the next day.

You know the games…. The ones where they ask you to “reveal your most embarrassing moment”?
I hate those questions… not only because I have SO many instances of being embarrassed but also these memories get wiped out of my mind alt, ctrl, delete style the day after they occur. Needless to say I end up saying “I swear I have so many most embarrassing moments, but I can’t think of any…errr….” Then they force me to think of one, so I usually go with the “football WHAM! right to the dome piece” story. That’s usually a crowd pleaser.  Do you seem to “accidentally” forget your embarrassing moments? Or do you remember each one with horrific vivid detail?

I definitely think the funniest people are the ones who can’t laugh about it… and they get mad when they’re embarrassed. LOL… I have had a few times like that… where something happens and you’re all flustered and embarrassed so you take out the anger on the closest breathing (or not breathing) target? My sister was always the best at calling someone out when things were reaching the “argument/anger threshold”. She could always call you out and make you laugh and realize you actually weren’t mad, but just super embarrassed J Which of course, made it 10x more embarrassing…

On the other hand, some people pull off embarrassing moments like it’s brushin the dirt off their shoulders. . . . Smooth criminals, can you share some of that swag?

Is it worse if embarrassing things happen to you alone? Or in front of people, where you can at least save some of your dignity and laugh it off with them?

In the end I guess any “rational” person would say:

“It’s all about self-confidence”.

Gag me.

I am confident, trust me. I just hate embarrassing shit happening to me!

LUSH stuff

As the pace begins to speed back up as we enter the new year, I think I lost my window for that good ol' new years resolution! Oh well, I suppose I don't need a certain "day" to change things. I have however, come up with a New Years Task I want to accomplish.

Okay, so this past weekend my parents came and visited me and were teasing me about my closet and the overwhelming amounts of clothes and shoes I have jammed into the tiny space. Seriously... my closet is bursting at its seams. But in my defense I am a college girl, who rents a tiny studio apartment! It isn't my fault there isn't enough space for my stuff! I'm sure most of you can agree with me though, when I say "There is never enough space". Trust me, I have had walk-in closets that were jammed with all of my stuff. One of these days though, I will have an entire ROOM full of space to keep my clothes, makeup, and accessories!

So I will be working on that, but I know it will take some time so I need to wait for a day off to tackle it. Maybe I will post before and after pictures. . . It's tough bein a college kid ;)

So that's that. Now onto the good stuff! I have been using my LUSH products, and am beginning to see what the hype is about. Honestly, it is pricey but worth it. My favorite thing so far is the Mandarin Tea Party Soap. OMGGG- I didn't even want this, but it came with the Glogg shower gel in a gift box so I figured I could use it in my kitchen (I tend to associate citrus-y scents with the kitchen. idk why). Well that lasted the first sliver of soap, once I used it I was hooked. I find myself just picking it up to smell once in a while! lol. I LOVE the "clean" feeling this soap gives and the scent is amazing. This is one I will definitely buy again!

The next one I have tried and like alot so far, but havent used enough to say I love or not is the Glogg shower gel and the BIG shampoo. Glogg reminds me of Hot Damn and Patchouli... sounds weird but they smell really good together. The BIG shampoo doesn't have a completely pleasant smell, but it lathers very well and my hair has never felt "clean" the way it does when I wash with this. The couple times I used it though I didn't style my hair so I will let you know if I fall in love with it a bit more as I use it up. The one thing I do like about the smell though, is that it doesn't linger. After my hair was dry it didnt hold that "not so pleasant" scent the shampoo has. It smelled like my conditioner which I appreciated :)

The other thing I have tried and really don't care for is the Bubblegum lip scrub. This was another item that came in the gift box I got and I am not thrilled with it... It didn't seem to do anything for my lips, and personally the bubblegum scent is quite overwhelming. I guess if you are a fan of that scent you may like this, but it didn't seem to work very well for me. My lips didn't feel smooth or soft or anything! So... purchase at your own risk! lol.

That's all for today... I can't wait to try more from LUSH and find which items I love most!! .... but first I need to take on my closet ...wish me luck!!