It writes me love letters
and hangs heavy
like the air on a muggy afternoon in the heart of summer.
It's thickness makes it hard to breathe.
The sky briefly clouds reality from my devoted eyes.
It makes my skin feel sparse
I begin to sweat out the things I cannot say...
you are still beautiful
you still haunt my hours
you dilute my interpretation of happiness
It scares me
Hot flashes now.
I fade in and out of a vintage dream.
The memoir I wrote
digs itself out of the grave I so carefully buried it in.
I allow myself to dream nostalgia
I smile a fleeting, self-indulgent smile
"I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU FOREVER"
before I plunge into the sacred pool of clarity