waiting to exhale

No words come.

I sit with a blank canvas, a hundred million thoughts and ideas of one liners I dream to spit at you...

Yet I cannot bring my lips to exhale.

My fingertips won't help my mind dispense these chaotic and mixed emotions that linger so effortlessly within my heart. My brain sits heavy on my neck, like it carries the weight of seven thousand worlds of love and loss and happiness and pain and misery upon it.

It looks to this empty canvas for solace in the midst of the storm. It begs the skies that rain down with bottled fury to wash away everything in it's threshold and become it's sanctuary.

I beg the storm to wash away everything I remember, and everything I don't.

But all I can do is sit,
with a blank canvas at my fingertips...
and a head that is so full, it is overgrown with thoughts and ideas and feelings and emotion.

I'm still searching for my elusive release...

and waiting to exhale.

the future ain't what it used to be...

I kiss your lips and close my eyes.

Your palms are planted firmly on me, and I feel the warmth of you.

My body goes numb.

I feel weightless as I allow myself to melt into your embrace.

One kiss, and I am enticingly pulled into your world.

...and right now,

I am exactly where I want to be.

...in that moment,

I am whole.

I am yours.

You are my fairy tale.

My happy ending.

behind enemy lines

She had the most beautiful eyes.

But she carried a darkness in her cell, behind the decay of rusted bars and cement floors...

The wars had been branded into her mind,

slept with her soul,

and haunted her even in the warmest of moments.

Internally, her refuge was lost. 

The rays that once shown brightly through those eyes,

and that smile...

now only emanate a faint glimmer,

a flicker to feed her waking dreams.

Those eyes captured what it means to be happy.

What it means to carry hope like it's the one thing that matters in this life,

and what it means to love with every bone in your body.

Those eyes she was blessed with,...

showed you everything she wanted you to believe.

Her eyes were her weapon.

... a camoflauge for the war that waged violently inside.

For her, the eyes she was given kept her alive.

...protected her,

Saved her, from the day she would lose the war.

You see, defeat was not in her nature.

So she kept her fragile soul locked away...

like a soldier, captured behind enemy lines.