White Horse

It was late.
I was getting impatient.

We were all waiting on you.
I didn't know you, and I didn't care to.
I already thought you rude for making us wait.

I just knew I wasn't going to like you.

That was, until you showed up.....


I remember hearing the news that you had finally arrived. A few moments later, you and your group walked up. I turned my head, and remember catching your gaze for the first time. I tried frantically not to allow my face to show what my heart just felt. I had never felt so instantly connected to someone. I knew you felt it too, because I watched your eyes as others came and greeted you... they always seemed to find their way back to me quietly, but with intent. My insides filled with joy each time I caught you stealing a moment to look my way.

In the same moment our eyes first met, I knew I had to figure out a way to get you to come with us.

I wasn't going to beg, but I made sure the invitation was present. Your words told a different story than your eyes, and after a bit of conversation between you and the rest of the group.... I truly did not think you were going to spend the rest of your evening with us when you convincingly said "No". I thought I had quickly lost and found my White Knight, with only so much as getting to say "hello".

Your eyes proved to be telling me the truth though... and at the last minute, my door opened, you hopped in with your beautiful smile, and squeezed in closely next to me. I felt my face flush with excitement. You had made my entire weekend with one gesture. I tried not to smile because I knew if I did - I might not stop.

My senses felt heightened with you around. Each touch, or small move your hand made across my shoulder, every bump on the dirt road that adjusted our bodies closer made me lose my breath. I couldn't focus on anything but you.

...that's how it is for me when you're around.

Later, we sat by the campfire as we shared stories, smiles, intimate details, and shared songs with one another as you offered me your jacket so I would stay warm.

If I believed in love at first sight... I'd swear on my soul we found it that night.


In the small hours of the morning, after everyone had crept to their caves and drifted into the darkness... You found the courage to touch my face and bring my mouth to meet yours. I again found myself in disbelief. Your lips were flawless and unrivaled, like I've never experienced. It was as if you were a reflection to everything I did, a delicious explosion I was unaware existed in this life.

You were absolute magic to me.

Alone with you, I silently wished on every star I could see, that the night wouldn't end. Neither of us were ready to let go. We found solace together, in a space that was less than ideal for you - but you obliged for my comfort.

We snuggled down, held hands and allowed sleep to momentarily pull us apart.

2 hours later, the sun must have awaken you...

"Good morning, beautiful."
That was the first thing I heard, as my eyes softly peeked open.
... and there you were.

Like a fairytale dream that didn't stop when I awoke.
I smiled, and you looked at me how you always do...
like I was suddenly going to disappear,
like you already knew you were going to miss me,
like it was the last time you'd ever see me,
...and maybe you thought it was.


We had to say goodbye, reluctantly we did... but not forever.


I hold on to memories with you tightly...
I will cherish them and the night you rode into my life on your white horse.

Journal Addict

Along with my obsession for really old books, I also have a thing for notebooks and journals.

I love inspirational, artsy journals.

I've had the smaller arc notebook for a while, and recently purchased the standard size one. I am a little bit obsessed with them <3

I snapped some shots of a few I had laying around...

This actually sits out for display on a book stand.

My favorite journal ever <3

The cover is just a DIY book cover I threw on it.

#art

Obsessed.

Doodles and cut-outs.

honest delusions...

The room is dark, quiet and comfortable.

Only the moonlight peeks in from behind the blinds.
Momentarily, I watch the fan whirl silently overhead.

Your arm playfully jolts, a tell tale sign you are drifting deeper into a peaceful slumber.

Your skin smells good and is warm against the length of my body. Your knees bend with mine to keep me close. Your arm draped snug over my torso holds me in place, and the only thing I hear is you breathing. I feel each exhale... cool and light on my shoulder. Each breath smells deliciously sweet, and leaves me longing for the next taste of you.

You hold me like you need me... like tonight is a promise to never let go.

I feel safe.



I continue to listen and drink in each breath. I slink around to grab your hand and hold it firmly in mine. I bring it to my lips and softly plant a kiss to each knuckle. I squeeze your hand before I set it down atop the sheets, and somehow, fast asleep, you squeeze back... like you're answering a question I've asked in dreams.

I wonder if you dream of me...

I rustle, and you rouse. You reconfigure your arm, pull me closer, and hold me a little bit tighter... and just before you drift back to your beautiful dreamland, with your eyes still closed... you offer my shoulder a kiss.

Your vulnerability, and sweet humble honesty in these moments swindle my insides.

This is my favorite time with you.

Temptation.

It writes me love letters

and hangs heavy

like the air on a muggy afternoon in the heart of summer.

It's thickness makes it hard to breathe.

The sky briefly clouds reality from my devoted eyes.

It makes my skin feel sparse

I begin to sweat out the things I cannot say...

you are still beautiful

you still haunt my hours

you dilute my interpretation of happiness

It scares me

Hot flashes now.

.lips.

.fingers.

.skin.

I fade in and out of a vintage dream.

The memoir I wrote

digs itself out of the grave I so carefully buried it in.

I allow myself to dream nostalgia

I smile a fleeting, self-indulgent smile

and scream

"I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU FOREVER"

before I plunge into the sacred pool of clarity

message in a bottle

A soft breeze blows and cools my skin.
Unwanted thoughts of you welcome themselves.

I listen, as my mind flutters like the leaves on the concrete.

Life seems to blow like that breeze,
skipping quickly
and disappearing untraced.

I close my eyes,
and dream of moments passed...

My heart makes a desperate attempt
to recollect every detail
each breath passed like a rolling tide,
to embrace what was...

Every heartbeat.
Each breathtaking smile.
Every mouthwatering kiss,
and the smell of your skin as we lay close and quiet.

Moments with you,
are my best ones.

My heart feels like yesterday,
but the clock speaks heavy.

Time steals what is mine.

I long to reach out,
and pull down the moon.
Whisper my dreams,
and breathe "remember..."

Don't

When you begin to miss me.

Don't.

When you've understood it was a mistake and want to make right.

Don't

When your heart tells you it loves me.

Don't.

When you realize it was me all along.

Don't

When you can't anymore...

Don't

Because I can't anymore either...

inside my cage

It's so loud.
So loud my head hurts.

I fight,
so I won't have to face what comes
when darkness settles in.

Maybe it's my heart that hurts...

I silently wonder what they dream about...
Quiet and Alone.

Silence.

Do they dream happiness?
Do they dream fear and jealousy?

Wings flap and bang adamantly in my cage.
Watching the over-sized insects that wander this waking world...
Judging.
Cold and Heartless.

Do they feel anything at all?

my muse...

Where do you come from,
and where do you go...
My heart needs you,
why can't you be found...

I miss you.
in the worst way
You keep me open.
You keep my lungs satiated with each breathe,
and give my mind the peace it begs for...

You always did.

Each time you leave,
heart and soul empty...
covered in bruises and cracks
my skin whipped with defeat

you teach me.

I think I understand now...

attention whore

*taylornow*

waiting to exhale

No words come.

I sit with a blank canvas, a hundred million thoughts and ideas of one liners I dream to spit at you...

Yet I cannot bring my lips to exhale.

My fingertips won't help my mind dispense these chaotic and mixed emotions that linger so effortlessly within my heart. My brain sits heavy on my neck, like it carries the weight of seven thousand worlds of love and loss and happiness and pain and misery upon it.

It looks to this empty canvas for solace in the midst of the storm. It begs the skies that rain down with bottled fury to wash away everything in it's threshold and become it's sanctuary.

I beg the storm to wash away everything I remember, and everything I don't.

But all I can do is sit,
with a blank canvas at my fingertips...
and a head that is so full, it is overgrown with thoughts and ideas and feelings and emotion.

I'm still searching for my elusive release...

and waiting to exhale.

the future ain't what it used to be...

I kiss your lips and close my eyes.

Your palms are planted firmly on me, and I feel the warmth of you.

My body goes numb.

I feel weightless as I allow myself to melt into your embrace.

One kiss, and I am enticingly pulled into your world.

...and right now,

I am exactly where I want to be.

...in that moment,

I am whole.

I am yours.

You are my fairy tale.

My happy ending.

behind enemy lines

She had the most beautiful eyes.

But she carried a darkness in her cell, behind the decay of rusted bars and cement floors...

The wars had been branded into her mind,

slept with her soul,

and haunted her even in the warmest of moments.

Internally, her refuge was lost. 

The rays that once shown brightly through those eyes,

and that smile...

now only emanate a faint glimmer,

a flicker to feed her waking dreams.

Those eyes captured what it means to be happy.

What it means to carry hope like it's the one thing that matters in this life,

and what it means to love with every bone in your body.

Those eyes she was blessed with,...

showed you everything she wanted you to believe.

Her eyes were her weapon.

... a camoflauge for the war that waged violently inside.

For her, the eyes she was given kept her alive.

...protected her,

Saved her, from the day she would lose the war.

You see, defeat was not in her nature.

So she kept her fragile soul locked away...

like a soldier, captured behind enemy lines.

details in the fabric

I see you
&
I hear you.



I'm not sure if you're listening, or speaking...




but,
I see you
&
I hear you.



I don't know what happened.



They weren't there.

You were.

We both were.



so for that reason,
and for so much more...

I will always see you
&
I will always hear you
&
I will always miss you.

newsletter

 

 

 

Last month I was approached with an opportunity for a section in our newsletter.

 

I was given all creative freedom, with an "article" relevantly titled:

 

 

"Taylor's Thoughts"

 

 

 

It's humorous to me because during my time as an intern, they had given me a blog to maintain and create posts for.

 

It seems writing/blogging is a part of my life no matter where I go or what I do :)

 

I'm quite excited actually, and it's very flattering that others believe I am good enough and interesting enough for such tasks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dreaming in a big city

I stood with the door cracked as I listened to your footsteps,

softly fade away...
 

I turned down my eyes

& wished...
 

When the footsteps silenced,

my mind was heavy.

 

 

You see,

every moment is a moment,
 

is thee moment

is another moment...

is another moment...
 

And so on,

and so forth until

when it's over,

and the cavalries and pride

have succumbed

to the disheartening storm...
 

All that's left are footprints,

and the silence of the aftermath.
 

Open your eyes,

to those precious moments

that can never redeem a second chance.
 

You see,

there's no deja vu for the blind,

no way to turn back

the hands of time.
 

We live.
 

in these moments.
 

Whether high or low.
 

Don't lose this moment,
 

Never.
 

Let.
 

Go.

 

sweet november

Envelop me with your limbs,

Let the sun warm our skin.

Mend all our scars

and

Welcome new dreams in.

 

 

The Raven

“It’s the ones you have the highest hopes for, that hold the ability to do the most damage.”

Her light eyes sparkled as she prepared to explain.

“I knew a boy once.…at the time I thought he was the most intriguing being that I had ever encountered. He wasn’t the most attractive person that had ever pursued me, he wasn’t the richest, and to be honest – he wasn’t the funniest. But he had a way about him that made him hard to dismiss.”

She smirked.

“I used to tease him about his lack of rejections. No one denied him… if at first they weren’t interested – by the time he worked his “magic” (that was really no magic at all, just his organic charm) they had become victims without realizing they were a target.”

Averting her eyes to the hem of her dress, she paused as she reflected - and carefully orchestrated her next words.

“I knew better. I always did.

The last time around I fought it.

...and I fought a good fight.

Many times it was declared that it wasn’t a game, a match, or a competition to win.

Inevitably, I forfeited and offered a part of me… of course in the fashion of a true lady; I kept more than I gave.

… then the predictable moment came alive the day I became a permanent fixture.

That was when the closet door exploded and all the secrets, lies and deceit were exposed.”

A visibly forced and meaningless smirk crossed her face.

She seemed to be willing the times to whisk her back to the days of her stolen romance – to feel excited and inspired – only to remember the disappointment and hurt.

“I ask myself, why bother?

… and I have no answer.”

Her voice cracks before honestly uttering;

“I miss him.”

Again she averts her eyes, this time her eyes twinkle with an aura of sorrow.

“There are some people you hold a connection with. For us we just *got it*. We understood each other on some level that made – and still makes - it hard to let go.

I think about him more than I should. I wonder if he thinks about me. About us.

I wish sometimes that he would have been man enough to stand tall.”

To think about speaking any further must have registered as torture, because that was it.

She stood up,

straightened her dress,

forged a smiled,

and excused herself as she walked out the door.

messy endings

What do you do
with a messy ending?

What do you do
when you miss the story?

The naive and beautiful beginning,
that carried so much hope...

The climax,
learning through love and loss,

Concluded with a messy ending.
Out of nowhere.
Catching readers breathless.

What do you do with a messy ending?

Can you fix it?
change the perspective unwritten?

Or do you wait...
until the characters learn,
and let go.

What will we do
with our messy ending?

What will we do
when we miss our story?

why

I miss the beginning of a fall semester in college.

I miss the way it smelled,
the hungry idea for a fresh start,
new goals to strive for,
feeling like we could conquer the world.

You would return,
reminding me that I was alive and
life was exciting.
Making plans for events,
and relaxing in a large sunny room on a big couch
smokin'
playing video games.
I miss talking with you...
you didn't judge, you were like her
but even more like me.

I miss tailgating and random parties
I miss sorority meetings and bitch fests at applebees for half off apps
I miss college pride and your passionate ramblings.
I miss lazy saturday afternoons, craft attempts, and daytime fun.

I wish I could change so many things.
I would have called.
I would have came.
I would have been there.
I would have stayed.
I would have been better.

I miss you, and that time in my life.

You were both here... and I miss it.

THE EVENT

They packed up the car and hit the road. The excitement hastened their pace. The drive seemed brief, and they were pulling into the entrance of a long, dusty road that led them to their final destination.

The place was a dark, grungy piece of land conveniently arranged and covered with smoky tents, each housing unique habitants, yet they all shared the same reason for attendance.

The event didn’t start on this particular evening. Those who came early were the true devotees, the real fanatics… the addicts.

As they crept through the designated lot, through the car window and obscurity that the night provided – they could sense the anxious presence of the bodies that fashioned the event into what it was. They looked on through the haze, and absorbed the overwhelming emotional state that everyone carried.

This was a time for exhilaration and ecstasy, free love and nonconformity.

They embraced this refreshing escape from the world that was…

For this transient getaway was one that was ever-so-fleeting. They would not think about the end, only that this was the beginning, and what a beautiful experience they were about to endure.